You Need Eye Condoms Just To Read About THIS Shit!

Pamela Anderson applied for a wedding license to marry Robert Saloman - ewwww!

So, she's 40 and looks like she's 50. Her washed-out rocker ex-husbands got in a phony fist fight at the 2007 VMAs, a cultural insult too vulgar to be called the graveyard for rock 'n' roll --which is invisible, but certainly not dead -- thanks to Fall Out Boy. No, seriously, thank you Fall Out Boy, for single-handedly saving rock and roll. It must be all of 5 foot 5 inches of your
hotness and, yes Mr. Wentz, that ineffable rock 'n' roller edge. When you smashed your guitar at the VMAs, it really meant something. It was palpable to all viewers, ink pen thinks, who must have thought to themselves, "yeah, this is the new direction of rock 'n' roll and when Wentz smashes that guitar in his little hotel suite, it's like the moment when you smash a bottle of wine of the bow of a sailboat before its maiden voyage - or was it more like the MTV VMA's when Guns 'N' F-ing Roses won band of the year and then Nirvana came along and took it all away?


Back to my original point: Please Retire THIS Celebrity from famehood.

I know she's sweet and means well and is a friend of the gays and everything, but seriously: despite being middle-aged and courting attention through her horrid exes, she recently married the man who made the sex tape 1 Night in Paris with Paris Hilton.

Let's face it, all celebrities are not the same. Can we please, please stop acting like she's interesting? Or still pretty? No, we can't all age as well as Nicole Kidman or Halle Berry, but, yes, we can all grow the fuckz up.

WILL SHE PLEASE RETIRE MAKING BAD SPOTLIGHT-SEEKING LIFE DECISIONS???