Sad case, as you may think, for one/ who had a brain so wild!...But to the thorn, and to the pond/ which is a little step beyond,/ I wish that you would go:/Perhaps when you are at the place/ You something of her tale may trace.
PEREZ HILTON WANTED FOR MURDER!!! ..ING MY BRAIN CELLS.
TRUE: Inane gossip speculation kills brain cells
What Nicole Richie and Audrina Partridge could possibly be talking about over lunch causes Perez to speculate? Really? If they talked about Brody Jenner, would even that be interesting? Not really. Does any one else get the feeling that he's trying to be interested in these two? No one could really care about what Nicole Richie and Audrina Partridge say, think or do.
What did you say?
I don't know.
I don't know?
What?
I am with child.
Ew.
Are you going to eat those fries?
Ew.
I know. I can't help it. I'm so hungry I could eat Brody Jenner's cock.
GUESS WHAT WE ARE? CLUE: WE'RE NOT HERE TO SCARE YOU. WE'RE JUST HERE TO INFORM YOU THAT YOU HAVE BAD TASTE IN MUSIC. WE'RE INDIE ROCK CARD CATALOGUES!!!! AKA: TOO COOL FOR SCHOOL.
Ink Pen has been saving up the rock for you and only you and you and you. AND YOU
Owen Wilson and Wes Anderson discuss The Darjeeling Limited. Maybe this gives us insight in to why the movie sucks, or perhaps only seems to. Insight into Wilson's summer incident? Isn't it weird that Owen Wilson, writer and quirky actor, is in the tabloids at all. Certainly he's not a hot guy, but still...he's too cool to have been dating Kate Hudson.
Is The Darjeeling Limited too esoteric for me? Yes, everything Anderson does is about as cutesy as life can get for upper middle class people with delicate hobbies, meaningful heirlooms and an assload of time to sit around and look bored. But this one...I don't know if it holds up to the likes of Rushmore and Life Aquatic. Anyone see The Darjeeling Limited? What did you think? When did their life changing experience happen? I was waiting so eagerly...
JASON BATEMAN Age: 38 Height: 6' Warning! You might want to avert your eyes and attention right now because Jason Bateman is TOO much fun to crush on. Trademark: He keeps getting hotter and hotter with age. Downside: He married Paul Anka's daughter in 2003, which means they probably won't be sick enough of each other to divorce for a few years. Upside: He'll be really really rich when they do divorce Bateman's been breaking hearts longer than anyone else in Hollywood. Consider the following photo essay:
If you think that this woman's favorite thing to do is to watch The Price Is Right and order Christian trinkets from the Home Shopping Network, you might not be wrong. But, she has other hobbies too. You must read this story from LA Weekly. According to the recent article "The Life and Death of Jesse James" in the LA Weekly...just read it and learn some pretty interesting things about THIS lady.
There are 100,000 reasons to love Kathy Griffin, but the reason why I do is that she says things like there are a billion reasons she had sex with her billionaire boyfriend, Steve Wozniak.
Thanks to things like credit and the 20-year-old backlash to feminism, no one is honest about the relationship between sex and money these days, and that relationship is completely distorted, to the detriment of society, both men and women. But, Kathy Griffin doesn't give a F*CK about pretending like she doesn't want what everyone wants -- the Benjamins.
Source: View Images
Quotes from Kathy Griffin's interviews with Larry King: "You know what's great, Larry. He has so much more money than you. Yes, I did (have sex wtih Steve Wozniak at the end of the Emmy night), and I had a billion reasons. What do you make, Lar? A million dollars a year? You know, he craps that out for lunch."
Larry King: "How did you meet him?"
Griffin: "Who cares? He's got a billion dollars. It was great bringing him as my date because it was great seeing all of the Hollywood phonies not know who he was at all, and knowing that he could buy and sell them all. He did this little thing called inventing the computer. I boy-girl like him."
Enjoy the whole clip, or jump to 2:30 to watch her talk about her BF.
"Bill O'Reilly called me a 'pinhead.' That's a badge of honor."
"I bought my own billboard for Life on the D List. I bought my own billboard, Larry."
Whew, what a whirlwind of a weekend Ink Pen had! From the hills of Topanga Canyon to the top of Runyon, with a little west side action along the way. Sisterbro, the wind beneath ink pen's hoe, was in town last weekend and we tore up WeHO on Saturday night. And by "tear up" Ink Pen means sipped stiff cocktails and circled like sharks -- round tables with (this is Sisterbro's direct quote) "tired queens" sipping water and (again) "lezbuddacas" sipping cocktails -- for an hour-and-a-half to eat dinner at one of the first-come, first-serve tables. Ink Pen ate the short ribs, Sisterbro the cob salad. Both were, as Sisterbro might put it, "immensely enjoyable", esp. after the stiff cocktails poured at The Abbey. We think that our waiter at The Abbey was pretending to be gay because when we asked him to direct us to the next hot spot, he did not know the names of any establishments. Ink Pen inquired, and he said, "Yes, I'm gay, but I don't go out." Hmmm. Never heard of that before.
Then Ink Pen and Sister Bro headed over to a crowded bar called Eleven, where we caught the tail end of none other than Dirty Sexy Money's won tranny star, Candice Cayne performance. Miss Cayne worked Mommie Dearest lines as she strutted up and down the stairs, taking money from the boys and making sure that upturned fans blew her long blond hair at the right angle.
As you can see in the clip, Miss Cayne's performances would not be complete if she did not subject herself to the crosswalk's blinking red light, warning of an imminent hit and run. It's all about the crash.
Warning: Be careful, Miss Cayne, Weho's starlets will run you down!
If that last clip annoyed the hell out of you, watch this classic. Jon Stewart calls Carlson a 'partisan hack'. It's also fun when Carlson compares his so-called news show to The Daily Show .
How does this anyone watch this greasy person? He sweats disingenuousness.
If you think that you might really enjoy a Joy Behar-Paul Krugman sandwich and that nothing could ruin that for you, imagine if the meat was the Tucker Carlson.
Last night on Real Time with Bill Maher, no one could string two sensible words together without Tucker Carlson's oral flatulence. He shut the show down and crowded out New York Times columnist Paul Krugman's voice, it's so destructive. Krugman has been writing sanity about the Bush administration and Iraq war for years, long before the official editorial tone of the publication that he writes for, the New Republic (with its subsequent apology) and most major news organizations got off the flag-waving bandwagon. It's annoying enough when a guest runs Bill Maher's show around in illogical circles for an hour, but Tucker Carlson actually misinterprets facts and what everyone says to the point that you can't make sense of the conversation. What a tool!
South Florida's own Brendan O'Hara put on a freaking entertaining set at Genghis Cohen in Los Angeles on Thursday night. It's pretty amazing what one man can do with a piano, a guitar and a mouth that functions as both beat box and horn. Ink Pen has seen Brendan perform with his very entertaining group Brendan O' Hara and the Humbles Ones once or twice in South Florida, but thinks it's pretty amazing the way that this guy gets around the country. He maintains a rigorous touring schedule, the details of which he's going to share with Ink Pen soon.
He also has an amazing voice and, we needn't mention but will, is very, very easy on the eyes. We want to see more of him in LA and we want to see more South Florida bands in LA.
Check out video for Doe:
Back in the day in S.Fla, Ink Pen was too cynical to fully appreciate the magnitude of Brendon's funky styling. Now, we simply love it. For pure refreshment, check out Brendan O' Hara.
Win Butler Age: 27 Height: 6'4" Lead Singer, Arcade Fire
Hotter than your hottest rock star fantasy, Win "can I lick the sweaty bangs off your face" Butler is a dedicated husband AND band member. Unlike your post-60s rock star fantasies, Arcade Fire's lead man, Win Butler, offers an immense amount of substance. His way with words and song and his rock star antics - descending from the stage to hug the Coachella crowd - just have a way more refreshing, human ring than anything we've seen in a long while.
Win has a HOT idea! Let's play in the elevator.
Forgive Ink Pen if you saw this one coming, but seriously people...is there any other man who's speaking to his generation quite like this hottie? I think not. Surely, he's channeling something divine.
Yes, a hottie should have dark circles under his eyes.
Brangelina. A phenomenon. Are they hotter than Laurence Olivier and Vivien Leigh? Are they hotter than Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton? Hmmmm.
Do you ever get the feeling when you look at pictures of the Brange that you need to turn away from the glitz and bullshitz of the king and queen of tabloid media who can't even find it in their hearts and minds to accept it? We all saw Angelina's treatment of Ryan Seacrest at the Golden Globes last year, did we not? They are so fine and so busy and so over it and themselves that it makes you wonder...am I just wasting my time emulating all of these swag-obsessed Hollywood dweebs?
Chances are, we'll never have Jolie's cheekbones and, most of us, will never make out with our siblings at awards shows, but each of us has a calling...and, frankly, what would Brangelina do?
If you like personality and sheer playing talent, check out Rodrigo Y Gabriela at Studio A in Miami tomorrow night. They're a Mexi-Irish, metal-loving dynamic force to not be reckoned with, but absorbed and enjoyed. Ink Pen saw them a few months ago, and they're so much fun that you will throw devil signs to acoustic guitars despite your inner cool.
That's right. Tomorrow is Hottie Thursday, and this man is going to leave burn marks in your eyes and mind, he's that hot innie and outtie. How, you wonder, could anyone be hotter than those we've seen and who, who, could this hot man be?
Who could be as hot as:
Week 1:
1st Actually Hot Hottie Michael C. Hall Actor: Dexter, Six Feet Under and various broadway productions.
Week 2: 2nd Actually Hot Hottie Zach Galifianakis Comedian: Comedians of Comedy, Stand Up www.zachgalifianakis.com
What slice of masculinity could taste sweeter than this sarcastic piece of A? Find out tomorrow cause it's Hottie Thursday.
Ink Pen says that it's been nicer for the reading and watching audience to have Lindsay out of the public spotlight for the last few months. Frankly, the gossip scene seemed to get along just find without her. I don't even think cocaine misses her.
Lohan WAS Ink Pen's favorite. Ink Pen, to put it simply, bled through the page for Lohan's scratchy voice, easy red carpet poses and irrepressible energy. But, if half of what those kids told TMZ about her drunk driving is true, and it probably is, Lohan's actions and contempt for ordinary people is unforgivable. It's one thing to not give a shit about people, it's another thing to drive 85 or 90 miles an hour, blowing through red lights, on PCH and Santa Monica or Wilshire Blvd.
Lohan only got treatment because she knew she screwed up in a big way and wanted to minimize any jail time for herself. Can we love Lindsay after what she's done? Can we move on with firecrotch in our hearts and on our TV screens? Ink Pen isn's so sure. Ink Pen just doesn't feel the same way anymore.
Ink Pen thinks that Britney is very funny. Ink Pen always wants to have Britney's VMA performance one click away. It's so watchable, and, in Ink Pen's opinion, a tribute to subtlety. Who wants pop stars all up in their faces? Brit's bod looks real and good. For a rocker chick, she'd be tight, all right!
Go to CNN Heroes and vote for Aaron Jackson to win $25,000, which he will use to deworm children and build orphanages in Haiti. He can deworm one child for $20, which is the difference between life and death. He's a committed guy and has been doing this for many years.
I once heard John Mayer give signature-seeking fans a hard time about the value of his autograph on EBAY. Fair enough. But when the curly haired, chubby comedian who played the unnattractive guy who knocked up Katherine Heigl in the movie "Knocked Up" starts talking the value of his Hancock on EBAY, Ink Pen says, spare me. He's been famous for like 6 months. He was like an extra in 40-Year-Old Virgin. You're getting ahead of yourself, Seth Rogen.
Speaking of all things not being right, SNL, which Rogen hosted last Saturday night, reached a whole new low this week. They even had a Macgyver-mocking skit, which was hard to relate to because I haven't seen the show in 10 years and doubt that anyone under the age of 25 ever has. Who the hell are they writing for?
Ink Pen thinks Arcade Fire is always a good way to start the week...or end it. Arcade Fire and its super hottie Win Butler (he's like Christopher Walken in Sarah Plain And Tall, so Americana.) have topped themselves with an innovative internet video. Follow this link and, like the URL says, click around aggressively for a minute: NEON BIBLE.
and all those broads who ain't me --- YES, this is a Friday night post. No. that doesn't give you insight into my true character and, no, I'm not asking for you, reader, to care about me personally or...professsionaly, or to just have some curiousity about what I am curious about. Nah. Hope your Friday was nice
Oh, Larry, You never wanted to play that way, you never wanted to hurt Ink Pen. Why are you running away?
Is Larry O all that he's cracked up to be, or was he outdated and unable to emote in any way that didn't feel too British, too entitled, too much the lazy product of empire-related contempt? Is he the great great, or have we evolved beyond him.
more than you can, but want to hate when you can't...singles.
The problem is that he's trying to date women but he can't, but he sucks .I have trouble acting or being excited or being exciting. I hope you're not writing that down. I would have to have the life of anyone in his movies. All of his characters seem somehwat biographical, but I never want to be anyone of them. It seems like, yeah I get that, but it seems like you're really shallow and you were raised among shallow people and I get that, but it's seems like you're shallower than me and that you (he, Cameron Crowe) were raised by people who were shallower than me. Kirsten Dunst _SOOO ANNOYING IN ELIZABETOWN. He's saying one of my former best friends reminds him of Kirsten Dunst in Elizabethtowm--donna wanna hear it. it's the question of bad actors getting wrapped up in a bad writer and and bad director's mvoie. For a straight guy to want to be an actor....I don't think I've ever met a straight guy who wanted to be an actor. Acting should be a macho guy thing, but straight guys didnt' want to do that shit. Even in college, no straight guys wanted to be in theater. Even the music school was gay. Susan Sarandon is questionable for doing this movie. When I was 16 I went over to Ryan's house to watch this movie that was supposed to be awesome..it was called the Ice Cream Man. It was terrible and it was the worst movie I'd ever seen. it was a cult classic because it was so bad. I'm finding that quality int his movie (Elizabethtown) I just love it. I love how bad it is. What is his( Crowe's ) thing with airline stewardesses???? Zooey Deschanel was an airline stewardess in Maybe he just has a thing for stewardesses? maybe he has a stewardess romance. Maybe he's a submissive. Maybe he likes to be dominated. They're all relationship movies and they all have the same problem. None of the characters in his movie know how to have a good time or do anything. He can't convincingly write an adventurous person. Lloyd Dobler is one of the coolest characters he's ever written, but he's no that cool. Spiccoli's really funny, bu the's cool and it's sean penn. Jerry Maguire can't emote and he's not enthused, but of course the actor he picks is Tom Cruise who can't act excited about things. The thing about Tom Crusie is he has his drunk thing, he has his excited thing and he has his angry thing and he basically does those in moves. Born on the 4th of July was a good performance, but it was basically all him bing angry.
Zach Braff, you tricked us and you tricked the whole world into thinking that you were kinda hot when you wrote and played that pitiable character in Garden State. Another female has an opinion on this one. She says, "Zach Braff sucks these days, which is really annoying because it ruins Garden State and makes you hate him even more for the disgusting, possum-like person that he really is." Oh look, it's the trailer for Garden State: Everyone look at the cute, sweet depressed guy gagging on his adam's apple.
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Garden State was so cute that it so made us want to like you. We even lent you hot cred, but you've more than cashed it in on that. Zach Braff is the kind of guy you go on a pity date with and then he turns out to be an asshole. Then, you go another date to figure out why you went on the first one, and you end up sleeping with him. Then, you have to keep going out with him to figure it all out, but there's really nothing to it except for that you thought he was hot, but should have known that he was not.
Zach's adam's apple makes ink pen want to puke and his porsche would only be hot if he wasn't sitting in the driver's seat. He's not hot enough to romance a woman or to pull off a philanderer, like the one he played in that awful film Last Kiss. No one wants to see your monstrous face next to Natalie Portman or Rachel Bilson or models. Youz iz fugz, Zach. face it. CLICK HERE to the world's biggest adam's apple drive off in a porsche with a hot girl. She only likes you for your money, Zach. We should send this clip to THIS SITE FOR SURE.
Have you had enough Zach? Ink Pen hasn't. The more that Ink Pen talks about him, the more Ink Pen loves him and his creative choices. Is that how crushes start? Check the footage below. Zach divas out, and he looks lush. Yum:
Zach Galifianakis, from Comedians of Comedy tour Age: 38 Height: 5'8" (Kinda short, but his personality makes up for it) Hotness Factors: The wittiest man alive, just all around well-crafted masculinity, all spontaneity all the time, reawakens suppressed Paul Bunyan sex fantasies, intensity, can't tell when he's serious and when he's joking. Good news: He works the beard. It's hot. He's not insanely famous yet, so you could probably catch him for a round of beers some time. From all appearances, he's really real, so somewhat attainable to regular girls. He's going to be at Detour this weekend with Comedians of Comedy. Bad news: A lot of other girls are in love with Mr. Zach. His Myspace comments are pretty much all marriage proposals. If you did land him, no one would be able to spell your name either. Tips: Loving Zach Galifianakis is like loving Guiness - you gotta take it slow and pay attention to every ounce of flavor. What's amazing is: The way he works the silence. Shhhh. Let Zach do his thing.
OMG! Ink Pen can't believe that she can finally speak openly - and, yes, join the chorus - about her love for the rock star comedian, his bearded majesty Zach Galifianakis.
One fond night at Bamboo Room in Lake Worth, ink pen was very excited to catch up with the two cute boys from Dish -- think they opened for Langhorne Slim that night. These brothers, yes stewed in the same amniotic, create a full sound AND have weird tubes all over the stage.
Anyway, check DISH out. They're South Florida all the way, but they're a little off the beaten path...like all talent that happens to reside in hot guys. They probably won't give you the T.O.D., but, if I recall correctly, they'll humor you with a bit of grace. ;)
If you don't know, you should. On Thursday, you will. Let me wax poetic over his actualness and his hotness: Who is this mystery man who's hotness spans last week's hottie's, Michael C. Hall, hotness ounce for ounce? From the depths of Hall's voice to the (metaphorically) laurel-adorned heights of his curiously curling brows, this man is 100% his match. Who is he? You plead with me to reveal him, but you must wait two days. Not long, I am not entirely without pity. That is why, I am delighted to inform you that I am a benevolent dictator of hotness. Yes, much like the magazine Esquire , with its annual knuckle-whitening, bathroom-floor sticking Sexiest Woman Alive series, which torments men for months on end as they wait with "sumpin sumpin" month by month as piece by piecet, the pictures come together to reveal the likes of ....huh?....Jessica Biel and Scarlett Johansson? OKes, whatsev.
Well, good thing that women and gay men aren't as stupid in the libidos as the heterosexually persuaded menz, because I GUARANTEE YOU THAT if you wait a whole two days, you will not regret holding out to behold "Actually Hot Hottie" #2. Shit, at the end of it all, you might even feel like you held out for a hero! Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. In the interest of setting the record straight regarding who's hot and who's not, Thursday will also be the day that I reveal the name of the "Shame on Me Nottie", a man who has tricked the public into thinking him hot or cool one too many times. Hint: His adam's apple makes ink pen want to barf.
Britney loses her kids. She'll get them back. She's not like you and me. She's worth tens of millions of dollars. Boo Hoo. Don't you feel really really bad for her? Did anyone seriously have big expectations for Brit's comeback, or give it much thought at all?
<____Agghhh!!! Watch out! The day Brit went off on photogs. www.x17online.com. This was Ink Pen's most hopeful moment for Brit. Too bad she didn't front a song for the Teddybears and punk out. Ink Pen really thought that Brit might get some shit Lavigne-influenced rock band together and rage, or better yet, just rock for real. Not only would that have been redemption for all of last years disgraces, but it would have been interesting!!!
But, since we're on the topic, let's ponder for a momo, will Brit make her big comeback? Well, if she can get two guys like Timbaland or Scott Storch to make a bunch of beats for her and then get some ex-Destiny's Child member to write a couple of poems about telling of a guy who's been cheating on her. If she can work out for 2 hours a day and get 10 hours of sleep a night, then sure, she can make a comeback. Why not? The Spice Girls are selling out, and will spread suck all over Britain's and America's auditorium. Why can't Brit do the same? She can. She will. It's no mystery. But remember, she never has to work a day in her life or worry about anything. It would be better - it's actually equally inane - if she let another pop tart have her chance. Disney and Nick have a whole new crop of shitlicking dweebs who we can grow to idolize in the coming years, you know, when they find the right publicist. GO JT!
What did you say?
I don't know.
I don't know?
